Loan Officer

Has this ever happened to you?.....

Its Saturday night, and my neighborhood gay bar is hosting an amature male strip contest. I say why not meet some friends for an evening of twinks with little self respect! right? ...

I make my entrance to the bass thud of dance music and say hello to my public *kiss kiss* "oh you look wonderful", " you've drank that much ...its only 10"...u know the drill. I saunter up to the bar to order my 1st drink. I choose to remain low key and get a pint of some draft hard cider. Its so yummy its like adult apple juice, I think they should sell it in cute juice boxes! I digress. In walks a friend who is "str8" and is probably the most attractive man in the bar, so naturally i bat my eyelashes and say hello. We exchange some witty banter and I ask if hes going to be stripping..."its $300 if you win". He, we'll call him White Thunder for this story, as to keep his identity anon*, declines and tells me no way. I get a tinge of disappointment in my stomach, but I cant tell if its that half a pizza I ate just b4 I went out or actual disappointment. My money's on the pizza, since I've seen him in the nude before.

Later I spy White Thunder talking to the DJ (my wonderful "husband") and they motion for me to come chat.

I say "yes, whats up?" after which I'm informed that WT (white thunder) hasn't come prepared. It turns out that straight boys turn into amature male strippers after their 5th shot! Oh those silly breeders! Mr. Thunder is going commando and wants my opinion weather or not he should go out to his car and see which pair of scooby doo boxers will look best under the lights. To which I respond "we'll you can use my underoo's if you'd like" I sometimes have verbal loose stools, when what I really wanted was just him in my underwear but under different circumstances..lol I'm only kidding..I'm a "married" man. He lightly brushed my offer away, and runs outside to see if he can pull off cartoon undergarments.

Well needless to say he is now in a panic because that isn't going to cut it and needs something that just might get him this months rent!
Naturally me being a giver and wanting to help my fellow man...my offer still stands and we head to the ladies, mind you, restroom to make the transaction.
Theres something to be said about loaning your Karl Lagerfield for H&M underwear to an extreemly attractive straight man in a womens public restroom.... Does anyone else see the humor in this, the irony?

My life is a movie, I'm totally convinced. That movie with Jim Carrey where hes being taped for a TV show and doesnt know it....ya. thats my life.. and dont try and tell me otherwise. I KNOW your in on it too.

So I'm feeling free and now, I guess its ok to have those extra shots my friends keep buying.

The show was just that...a show, and White Thunder didnt win. Yet my underwear were clearly the prize winner last night!


Chris said...

See we always have fun when we go out!

uproryous said...

Wow, the excitement and I was not there to share. Did you get your undies back? Did you sniff them? Maybe even suck on them a bit?

Hahahaha!!! Sounds like you had a great weekend. I will be out again soon, I promise sweetie!!!